Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Only When We Are No Longer Afraid Do We Begin To Live

I've been away from my blog for a little while now - I'm still here! Just wasn't ready to face things really up until now. I've written a little before about what happened to me health wise during my pregnancy with my daughter in 2012. I try to keep things happy and light on the blog and share the wonderful things we do/ eat as a family, but sometimes it helps me to feel better to write about some of the other things that are happening as well. If you have been a regular reader of my blog you'll know I had a really tough time of things before with both a massive bilateral PE and then gestational diabetes to top it all off. I cannot even begin to explain how happy and relived I was when Small was born safe and sound. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a hard time recovering and coping with what had happened after my daughters birth. Whilst still pregnant denial was a good coping method, but afterwards it all crashed down.
I found things really hard - constantly living in a state of fear that the PE would reoccur (I had no symptoms and it was caught pretty much by chance). I had a few false alarms and visits to A&E, but was reassured that the only pain I was feeling was due to all the stress. I remember a time when I would frequently sob to my husband convinced I was going to die and felt completely gripped by this fear in every aspect of my life.
It took me a long time, and a lot of hard work - but last year around September I turned this all around and began to start living my life again. I started working on being healthy, enjoying going to the gym as much as possible and getting out and about again. I finally felt like me.
Until last week that is - all the effort I had put into convincing myself it wouldn't happen again, and then it did. I didn't even want to go to the hospital, but my husband made me. All my worst fears came true after a scan showed that I'd had another PE. I don't even know how to feel at the moment - the past week has been a blur of hospital visits, blood tests and medications. I'll be on these medications for the rest of my life. It probably sounds really bizarre, but I almost feel like now it has happened again I can stop being afraid of 'what ifs'.
PE's are sometimes know as 'the silent killer' - it's really important to know the signs and symptoms and spread awareness. Despite 15% of all sudden death cases being attributed to PE, many people have never heard of this condition. Please take a look HERE for more information.