Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Only When We Are No Longer Afraid Do We Begin To Live


I've been away from my blog for a little while now - I'm still here! Just wasn't ready to face things really up until now. I've written a little before about what happened to me health wise during my pregnancy with my daughter in 2012. I try to keep things happy and light on the blog and share the wonderful things we do/ eat as a family, but sometimes it helps me to feel better to write about some of the other things that are happening as well. If you have been a regular reader of my blog you'll know I had a really tough time of things before with both a massive bilateral PE and then gestational diabetes to top it all off. I cannot even begin to explain how happy and relived I was when Small was born safe and sound. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a hard time recovering and coping with what had happened after my daughters birth. Whilst still pregnant denial was a good coping method, but afterwards it all crashed down.
I found things really hard - constantly living in a state of fear that the PE would reoccur (I had no symptoms and it was caught pretty much by chance). I had a few false alarms and visits to A&E, but was reassured that the only pain I was feeling was due to all the stress. I remember a time when I would frequently sob to my husband convinced I was going to die and felt completely gripped by this fear in every aspect of my life.
It took me a long time, and a lot of hard work - but last year around September I turned this all around and began to start living my life again. I started working on being healthy, enjoying going to the gym as much as possible and getting out and about again. I finally felt like me.
Until last week that is - all the effort I had put into convincing myself it wouldn't happen again, and then it did. I didn't even want to go to the hospital, but my husband made me. All my worst fears came true after a scan showed that I'd had another PE. I don't even know how to feel at the moment - the past week has been a blur of hospital visits, blood tests and medications. I'll be on these medications for the rest of my life. It probably sounds really bizarre, but I almost feel like now it has happened again I can stop being afraid of 'what ifs'.
PE's are sometimes know as 'the silent killer' - it's really important to know the signs and symptoms and spread awareness. Despite 15% of all sudden death cases being attributed to PE, many people have never heard of this condition. Please take a look HERE for more information.

2 comments:

  1. Gosh, Cherry, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I can't imagine how scary it must've been but as you said now that it's happened you know you can get through it. Sending you tonnes of healing and feeling awesome again soon vibes your way.

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  2. Massive hugs. Thanks for being so brave and sharing. Hope you find peace and that the new routines of medication become normality soon. Xxx

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