Sunday, 1 February 2015

I’m glad we had the times together just to laugh and sing a song, seems like we just got started and then before you know it, the times we had together were gone

I swear I must have written and rewritten this blog post about a billion times. I never ever thought I'd be writing one of 'those' posts. People are judgmental so telling the world that I'm no longer vegan was never going to be easy. The loss of friendship, support and deleting from groups so far has been really hard. I know the negative reaction other bloggers have had in this situation - so I'll be totally honest, I've been putting it off. It's especially hard for me given that being vegan wasn't something I just did - it has been a massive part of the way I live my life. I had a vegan wedding, married another vegan and many of my friends are part of the vegan community. I've seen the way others - even my own husband in the past - have made unkind comments about others who have stopped being vegan for various reasons and it breaks my heart.

If you are a regular reader you will probably know all about the health problems I've had over the last three years. Whilst I was pregnant with my daughter I had a huge pulmonary embolism. It was a nervous and incredibly hard time. I also had gestational diabetes so for the last half of my pregnancy I was giving myself 6 shots a day. I was incredibly blessed and lucky that my daughter arrived healthy and is growing up to be a wonderful little girl.
Six months after her birth I was able to stop medication and carry on with my life.

Then in May last year I began to have some scary symptoms and my wonderful husband insisted I go to hospital. I'd had another pulmonary embolism and was told I'd be on medication for life. The thing is, the second time was different. The first time I had no real symptoms or pain - it was just pure luck that it was found. Just pure luck that my daughter and I are still here.
The medication I need to take comes with its fair share of problems. I have to be constantly monitored to make sure my blood is at the right level - if it isn't I'm at risk of more blood clots. Diet plays a big role. I couldn't eat soy because it made my levels so unstable.  Any meaningful amounts of beans & legumes, green vegetables and fruit also sent my levels crazy. I've been struggling with this for 8 months - I was so determined to stay vegan even though I'd been told from the beginning it wasn't advisable. I put in a lot of effort,  read millions of books and fastidiously recorded everything I was eating. So much so it was taking over my life.
The thing is, despite taking supplements - 8 months on my vitamin and iron levels are low and I'm just not getting any better. It wasn't an easy decision to make,  in fact it still quite upsets me. I still believe that for most people a vegan diet is the way to go. I can't just forget all the reasons I went vegan 7 years ago - I know the cruelty involved in the production of 'food' in this country. My beliefs haven't changed.
So now I'm 'just' a vegetarian. I still cook vegan meals for my family. I wouldn't even know how to say bake a 'regular' cake - I learnt to cook for myself as a vegan. My husband is still vegan and to say this has been easy for him would be a lie. I'll be honest it's actually been a real test. The thing is though, he has been there for me throughout all of this and knows the effect it's all had on me. I'll still be posting vegan recipes here, it's just my diet is no longer exclusively made up of vegan food.
I realise this will probably loose me some readers, and that is OK. Everybody's personal journey is different. I've very much enjoyed the journey on which my blog has taken me and the wonderful people I've met because of it.
Cherry X